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October 3, 2013
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One does not simply run out of arrows.
"A hundred and sixty three."
"He's teasing, right?"
Erestor raised an eyebrow at Legolas then glanced at you.
"I am unsure. He does seem to have a few dozen in the proper targets..."
"He must be showing off."
Legolas flashed you a smile before expertly shooting yet another arrow in a far-off target. You and Erestor only heard him counting aloud when the Mirkwood elf noticed you.
"I mean, Erestor, he can't fit that many arrows-"
You didn't get to finish the sentence as Erestor smacked the back of your head.
"One does not simply mention the arrow cheat."

~2~
One does not simply kiss and elf and get away with it.
Legolas looked stunned, eyes widening at the very human gesture. He stood there shocked for a moment before his reflexes got the best of him and he took off running after you. He managed to quickly catch up, pushing you into a nearby wall. He held you softly against it, as if he wanted you to stay but didn't want to hurt you.
"What was that?"
"A kiss."
"I know that. But why?"
"Why do you think?"
Legolas said nothing for a moment then pressed his lips to yours. He was soft, slow, hardly touching your own until you pulled him closer. He pulled away though soon, smiling faintly.
"Because I'm a good kisser?"
An elf does not simply flatter himself and gets away with it.

~3~
One does not simply walk into Legolas's bedroom.
You checked around the large bedroom of the Prince of Mirkwood. It appeared empty and you stepped inside. You began looking through his things before feeling a pair of arms wrap around your waist.
"What are you doing here?"
"I- um- looking for that stupid letter I sent you-"
"I liked it. Very... Loving..."
"It was stupid though."
"Oh no, I liked it."
You felt a pair of lips on your neck, softly nibbling as you realized his arms were bare and still damp.
"Legolas, were the in the shower...?"
"One does not simply ask their boyfriends such questions in these stories."

~4~

"One does not simply walk into Mordor."
You looked at the man in disbelief.
"Really, that's the best you got?"
The man looked like he would say something then just facepalmed.
"Why does everybody steal my line?"
"One does not simply-"
"DON'T EVEN SAY IT!"
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Pairing: Legolas x reader
A/N: because one does not simply let this line go.
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:iconaviline17:
aviline17 Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is hilarious. I love the third one. I don't get the fourth one, though...
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:iconsilverthemystica:
SilverTheMystica Featured By Owner May 17, 2014   General Artist
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY MAKE ME NOSEBLEED AND LAUGH AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!
Congratulations you have achieved a goal that I never knew anyone can pull off!!
Reply
:iconfate4destiny:
Fate4Destiny Featured By Owner May 18, 2014  Student Writer
Here, I'll pass you a box of tissues because that's sounds like it got messy ;)
Reply
:iconsilverthemystica:
SilverTheMystica Featured By Owner May 18, 2014   General Artist
*only a hand can be seen over the sea of blood*
Reply
:iconargyleferrari:
Argyleferrari Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  New member
argyleferrari.deviantart.com/j…. Please read this book.  Cute fanfic b.t.w
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:iconfate4destiny:
Fate4Destiny Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Student Writer
Shameless self-promo on your part. Kinda gutsy ;)
Reply
:iconargyleferrari:
Argyleferrari Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  New member
I try.
Reply
:iconnimbusblack:
NimbusBlack Featured By Owner May 5, 2014
*Fangirls then passes out* hee hee legolas fangirl...
Reply
:iconmoonlightdragonrider:
Most epic poem I've read. One does not simply write a poem.
Reply
:iconfate4destiny:
Fate4Destiny Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Student Writer
Sorry, typo: UNsure where you got the poem bit from. Hehehe... *awkwardly looks away*
Reply
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